What Was I Thinking?

There have been times I thought I could survive this life without God. Definitely before I turned my life over to Jesus more than twenty years ago, but even after that. Surprised? Well, maybe I haven't thought I could survive totally without God since that eventful Good Friday back in the day when I realized Jesus went to the cross for ME. Until that day I'd always considered what He did as something He did for us corporately. At that moment I suddenly saw what He did for ME personally. I saw my sin and wondered why on earth He would do that for ME? But He did. So why have I, over all these many years, so consistently tried to take back parts of me from Him to do my own thing my way? I honestly don't know, because every time I do it backfires, and I come back to Him on my knees asking for forgiveness and for Him to take all of me back. He always does.

Over the past ten-plus years since I so clearly felt the call of God on my ability to write, I've struggled. When the going is good and I've had something published it's been easy to give all my writing to Him. But, when there are the long dry spells with nary a sale or interest, I've found myself taking the bull by the horns and launching off in a direction God didn't want me to go. Every time, the result has been no sale, lots of disappointment, and having to do a turnabout to head back in the right direction with God in the lead.

Right now I find myself at the precipice of having to trust God for the outcome of my latest project. Without an agent I'm having to present myself to publishers that have shown an interest in my work all by myself. But, am I by myself? No!!! God is with me as the ultimate agent. Twice this week I've heard my favorite Bible teacher, Beth Moore, say "There is no high like the Most High." She's also said twice in two different lessons, "When God says 'no' it's because there is a greater 'yes' waiting to happen. Woooeeee!!

Right now I'm working on my proposal for my story. When I send it out, it will be with a mix of fear and anticipation. But if it comes back with a "No thank you," I know there's a greater "Yes" coming down the road. God is good.